Angst

I pace restlessly. It's 11pm, 1 am, 4 am. The streets are cold. They have answers, but the answers are not easy. Perhaps around the next bend. Maybe in a passing car with one headlight. I've walked into another neighborhood. No answers here either. I take a bus home.

Three nights ago, we met. We talked, laughed for eight hours. the sun came up, we bought coffee. No exhaustion, just satisfaction. I felt like I had known you for years. 2 nights ago, we consummated our affections in a glorious bliss and a tangle of sheets. Your body felt right and every movement felt like a choreographed rhythm. Beauty in mechanics. Last night, we slept. In each other's arms, like we had known one another for years and years. the occasional kiss. I think you said my name in your dreams. I never slept so well in my life.

Tonight you told me it would never work. You never wanted to see me again. I asked you why, fighting tears. It just would not work, you said. I never understood. Is there another? No. Something I said? No. Something I didn't? No. You are sick? You are dying? No and no.

And so I walk.